Sonobombs and Sirens
by Diloph
Summary: Early one morning, just before dawn, Lapis and Peridot go on a roadtrip. Just two tense Gems, a mattress-laden van, the lonely open road and an unstable 220-kilo WMD left over from the Gem War.


In the dim gloom of the early morning, the seaside highway was quiet and devoid of occupants, save for a single, slightly battered old van rattling along the tarmac.

Engine straining, the old van was struggling along the road at high speeds. Ordinarily, the owner of the vehicle was never usually in any hurry to get anywhere, let alone at that time of the night, but the van's usual occupant wasn't at the wheel that morning. In fact, Greg Universe was actually safely back in Beach City, ten miles behind.

Lapis Lazuli gripped the steering wheel and glanced down at the speed-dial. "Not fast enough," she complained, "We're not going fast enough."

Her co-pilot, Peridot, tutted. "Easy, easy! Not too fast! The Sonobomb is still very delicate!" she scolded. Straining against her seatbelt, the little green Gem looked over the back of her seat to the van's precious, deadly cargo. What lay in the back of the van was essentially a huge Wailing Stone turned weapon. Known as the Sonobomb, it was an old Homeworld device that'd been unearthed by Steven and Amethyst from the sand under the beach after an otherwise uneventful day. More technology than magic, it was designed to vibrate and shake the air to destabilise any Gem's construct within a wide area.

An unpleasant side effect of the Sonobomb, as both Homeworld and Crystal Gems had discovered to their horror, was that if close enough, the weapon would not only destabilise but instead _shatter_ any unfortunate Gems within range. Not only that, if the sonic device went off, it wouldn't just be Gems that would feel the ill effects; waves of intense sound could shatter glass, resonate concrete and unfortunately cause massive damage to organic creatures.

It was a scary situation to be in. Too dangerous and unstable to move via Warp, the Crystal Gems had carefully loaded it into the van with the intent to disarm and dump it off of a seaside cliff some way from human civilisation. That was where Lapis and Peridot came in. If the device went off, everybody in range had about a minute to clear its wide radius. No terrestrial Gem could get out the way quickly enough, but Lapis and her wings, capable of impressive speeds in the air, would clear the blast range with very little effort.

But while Lapis was the only Gem that could get away from the Sonobomb, disarming the device was a different story entirely. Both Pearl and Peridot had technical knowhow to dismantle the inner workings of the weapon, but considering the age and instability of the device, it'd been decided that Peridot would be easier for Lapis to carry from harm, should they need to leave in a hurry.

It was something that Garnet had noted was more likely than not. Pressganged into service, a quick, impromptu driving lesson from Greg and Pearl had followed and the two brave Gems set off in the ramshackle old van.

Naturally the pair were on edge.

Peridot grimaced as she took in the Sonobomb. It was still nestled in the back of the van, sat within the mattresses that Greg had helpfully provided to cushion the deadly object from the rougher parts of Lapis' first driving experience. To her credit, while she was no Stevonnie at the wheel, Lapis was making decent progress for a first time driver, though the lack of traffic and the simple intent to go forwards as fast as Gemly possible might have helped.

With a relieved sigh, Peridot shimmied back around to stare at the dark, empty highway ahead of them, the silence between both Gems deafening. She'd tried the radio, but both she and Lapis had quickly scrambled to turn it off when one of Greg's CD's roared from the speakers. Their nerves were on edge as it was without the helpful, genteel tones of Ozzy Ozborne and his Crazy Train.

"Are we there yet?" Peridot grumbled.

"And there's that cliché filled." Lapis grunted, recalling the gag from CPH's roadtrip episode. "If Pearl's maths works out, we're ten minutes out from that place I spotted."

"Nine minutes and forty-seven seconds, to be precise." Peridot corrected. Lapis didn't take her eyes from the road, pressing her bare foot down on the gas again. The van jumped with a throaty growl, but the speed increase was negligible.

"Why did you ask if you already know?" asked Lapis. Peridot blushed in embarrassment and slouched in her seat.

"... I wanted to say something. We've been driving in silence for a long time." she mumbled. "Gah, why do humans have to build _everywhere_? We could have dumped this off two miles from the city if there hadn't been-"

"Another city in the way?" Lapis pointed out.

"Details." Peridot waved off the comment.

She glanced to one side of her seat near the door, where a bag of instruments sat, filled with Gem tools and human tools alike, hefting the bag onto her lap. These would be Peridot's weapons against the terrifying WMD that Homeworld had left behind in their war against the rebellion. She began to go over the defusing process in her mind.

It was a simple enough process; a few minor etches into the carved circuitry, a precise chip here and there before she could remove the resonator... yes, no more complicated than repairing a clock or disarming one of those "nuclear" bombs that always came up in the human movies. Perfectly within her talents. Five-thousand years of out-of-date tech posed no problem to the brainy little Gem.

The tools clattered and shifted as Lapis changed gears, Peridot rifling through the tools. "Do you think this was a plan to get rid of us?" she joked.

"We did get volunteered awfully quick." Lapis replied, her voice neutral. The other Gem couldn't tell if she was joking or not. Lazuli kept stuff close to her chest. The blue Gem sat in the driver's seat glanced around the empty highway. "It's really dead out here tonight. We're lucky Steven found this when he did."

"Hm." Peridot agreed, picking out a suitable leverage optimiser. She pointed the screwdriver at Lapis with no regards for her safety. "Say, Lazuli, why do you think there aren't any humans out here right now?"

"Because they're not stupid enough to haul a Sonobomb across the state?" ventured Lapis.

"No, no... well, yes, but you know what I meant."

Lapis shrugged. "I think that Steven said they go to sleep at night. More or less." she guessed. Peridot nodded, satisfied at Lapis' answer.

"Ah, diurnal lifeforms." she realised. "That would explain things."

"Diurnal?" Lapis Lazuli echoed.

"They only do things when their half of the planet faces the local star, more or less and sleep the rest of the time," explained Peridot, "I never got why. Their night vision capabilities, while quite poor, are more than countered by their technological abilities."

"Humans just like sleeping, I guess. I tried it once, it's kind of relaxing." Lapis said.

"Feh. Doing nothing with your eyes closed is relaxing? More like _boring_." Peridot scoffed, letting her eyes drift back out towards the empty highway and the surrounding landscape. She was briefly dazzled by a car coming in the opposite direction, the headlights uninhibited by her tinted visor before it rocketed away. Peridot yelped and blinked. "Gah! My vision is impaired!"

"Cool." Lapis mumbled, shifting the stick again. The van's clutch caught and rumbled, Lapis being forced into dragging it down into position again. She exhaled. This was nowhere as easy as Steven's father or Pearl had said it would be.

* * *

 _Peridot and Lapis stood staring at the van. "Tadaa!" Greg cheered. "Isn't she a beauty?"_

" _Uhhh..." the two Gems droned._

" _Well?"_

" _It looks kind of... not good." Peridot said flatly. Greg's long mane of hair, all that was left of it, seemed to frizzle in embarrassment._

" _Yeah, well, to the untrained eye." Greg coughed. "But Pearl really overhauled its engine back when... you know." he gestured at Lapis. Lapis blinked._

" _Uh..." she mumbled, looking around her. "When... I... stole the ocean?" she guessed._

" _Got it."_

" _What?" Peridot blinked. Nobody paid any attention to her._

" _Huh. Okay, figures, not going to live that one down in a hurry." Lapis shrugged. "Okay, Mr Universe. How does it work?"_

 _Greg steered Lapis towards the driver's side door, popping it open. Lapis wrinkled her nose at the smell; the familiar ocean breeze wasn't exactly hard to come by in Beach City, but somehow Greg had managed to overdose the scent inside the cab. She clambered into her chair, Greg adjusting the seat a little so the shorter Gem could reach the steering column._

" _Okay, Lapis. We'll forgo the horn for now... my ears are still ringing from the boat." Greg began._

" _Again, sorry." Lapis apologised._

" _Don't sweat it." Greg assured her. "Okay, let's see... you have your clutch, your gas and your break. You need to press the gas pedal to go faster and the break pedal to slow down, or stop if you push hard enough. The clutch lets you change your gears and keep the engine running without choking up. Don't push it all the way down, just a little bit until you can switch gears." Greg told her, pointing out each one._

 _Lapis glanced down at the pedals. "Clutch, gas, break. Got it. What's this stick thing?" asked Lapis, nudging the gearstick at her side._

" _Oh, that's your stick-shift!" Pearl interjected. "That's what you use to change the gears! Lower gears allow for more control and acceleration, but higher gears let you go faster. Except the reverse gear, but we won't need that tonight."_

 _Lapis saw that Pearl and Greg were rather stressed, probably because of Garnet standing behind them with the Sonobomb perched on one shoulder. She didn't want to ask too many questions until this thing was gone._

" _Okay, I think I got it," she announced, "One last thing, the mirrors? Can I get rid of them?"_

" _What?! No! No, Lapis, you need the mirrors to see behind you so that you know what other cars are doing!" Greg explained. "So you don't crash!"_

" _Yes, mirrors are an integral part of this machine, Lapis Lazuli. Besides, humans have much slower reaction times than us. You'll prevent more accidents behind the wheel simply by being a Gem." Pearl said. Greg grimaced._

" _Pearl, you **do** remember what happened when I let Rose try driving, right?"_

 _Pearl froze. "I try not to." she gulped. "It took months to clean up that oil spill. And those poor **cows**."_

" _And she still got a license!"_

 _Clearing her throat, Lapis drummed her fingers on the wheel. "Uh... can we... come back to the present and focus on the giant bomb you guys found?" she suggested. Behind the others, Garnet nodded._

" _I would also appreciate that." she grimaced, glancing sidelong at the Sonobomb on her shoulder. Lapis took one look at the large weapon and sighed, glancing in the direction of the beach._

" _Can't I just water-lift it out to sea?" Lapis asked. Pearl shook her head._

" _Absolutely out of the question. The wet sand it was buried under was bad enough for its resonation core. Any further waterlogging could set it off, perhaps even without the timer. I'm sorry, Lapis, but this is the best course of action."_

 _Lapis leaned closer to Pearl, voice confidential. "You know, I'm fairly sure that Peridot and you weigh the same. And, while we've gotten to know one another a little better, I'd much rather trust somebody who's not... well, inep-"_

 _The milk-white Gem suddenly reeled away, waving goodbye. "Ooh, look at the time, Lapis, you'd better get going before we're all doomed!" Pearl announced, steering Greg from the van. Peridot padded past them, up into the passenger seat, Garnet carefully placing the Sonobomb into the back of the vehicle. "Good luck, you two." called Pearl, she and Greg swiftly retreating behind a solid looking rock. Both peered over the edge at the van, their expressions tense._

" _Luck? Pfft, what's the worst that could happen?" Peridot scoffed. Garnet, still in hearing range, grimaced and sucked air through her teeth._

" _Yikes." she said simply, then walked away, also taking up a position behind the rock. With some trepidation, Lapis Lazuli turned the key in the ignition and the van's engine started. Almost immediately, the others ducked away._

 _Lapis placed her face in her palms while Peridot, oblivious, paid her no mind. "... that was ominous." the little green Gem noted._

" _Hm." agreed Lapis, still wallowing in despair._

* * *

Peridot blinked the stars from her eyes and turned her gaze back out of the windows once more, grumbling quietly. There wasn't much to look at; the coastal highway didn't have much in the way of buildings, mostly scrubs and bushes until they were broken up by the deep black darkness of the sea/sky barrier.

"Are you nervous?"

Peridot blinked. "Huh?"

Lapis tossed her head in the direction of their cargo. "Getting rid of that thing."

Peridot shook her head. "It's no more advanced than simple maintenance on a Digit-Class ship. I can handle that."

"A ship won't explode if you get it wrong."

"Neither will the Sonobomb... for about a minute anyway." Peridot countered. "And by then, we'll be long gone. Right, Lazuli?"

"I dunno. Probably." Lapis replied. "I'm entertaining the prospect that we might both die."

"HA! Ahaha... heh." Peridot barked, then composed herself. "Yes, well, I have the utmost faith in your abilities."

" _Every_ one of them? Even my- hng- my driving skills?" Lapis chuckled, forcing the stick into another gear again with a grunt of exertion.

"Yyyyyeah, sure, let's go with that." Peridot agreed. "Hey, if you want, I can take over? I brought my paint-cans!"

Lapis took her eyes from the road for a second to look at the paint-cans, adorned with flames, that Peridot now held up. "Uhhh... do those make you...?"

"Taller, yes! Glad you noticed." Peridot smirked. "With them, I should be suitably tall enough to pilot this primitive vehicle to our destination."

"I'm... good, thanks, Peridot." Lapis smiled hesitantly. The little green Gem pouted.

"I don't know why you're so reluctant, Lapis Lazuli. I'm the only person on this planet who's got some experience piloting a _real_ vessel!" Peridot harrumphed. Lapis snickered.

"Don't be so put out," she chuckled. "What I meant was we'd have no time to switch. This thing could go off at any moment."

Peridot folded her arms, sinking back into her seat with a scowl. "Yeah, well, it didn't _sound_ like that." she mumbled. Another flash of light from behind them, reflected off the mirrors, caught her eyes and she spluttered, waving her hands in front of her face. "Augh! Were... were those full-beams?! Urgh, these stupid... rrgh, no! No, I won't stand for it!"

Lapis sighed as Peridot began rolling down her window. "Peridot, what are you doing?" she asked, long-sufferingly.

"I'm going to give that _Clod_ a piece of my mind!"

"Peridot, sit down."

"No!" snapped Peridot, leaning outside the window. She stuck a fist out along with her head, seatbelt straining to hold her fury. "Hey, you! Yeah, you, you human Clod! It's clear out! No full beams!"

With a low growl, Lapis reached out with one hand, tugging on the back of Peridot's uniform, pulling her back inside. "Don't cause trouble." she scolded.

"Why, are you gonna turn us around?!" Peridot snapped back. "Well you can't! We're carrying an explosive resonation device! It'd be suicide!"

Irritated, Lapis released Peridot. It was times like this when the nastier side of her wanted to strangle Peridot. It wouldn't do anything, considering that they didn't need to breathe, but it would make Lapis feel better for a bit. But no, when you threw your lot in with Steven and the Crystal Gems, strangling was a _bad_ thing.

As if to make things worse, the lights of the driver behind them began to fill all the mirrors as they drew closer, flashing them repeatedly. New colours, red and blue, filtered into the little cabin of Greg's van alongside a horrible wailing siren. Lapis sighed. "See, you caused trouble." she groaned.

Peridot jutted out her lower jaw, glancing backwards with a hand to shield her eyes. "Hmm. It appears to be a human law-enforcement vehicle. A policed car." she noted. "They're known for flashing those lights when seeking the perpetrator of a crime."

"Shoot. Better let them by then." Lapis noted, steering the van closer to the side of the road. The police car followed them and Lapis tutted. "Oh. It's after us. Good job, Peridot."

"Me?!" Peridot protested. "It was them that had their full-beams on in clear conditions! They're the ones _breaking_ their stupid laws!"

"Well, we can't pull over." Lapis hummed. "There's no way we can explain this thing to them." she added, chucking a thumb over her shoulder at the Sonobomb. "We have to keep going."

"What about the van?! You've seen what the police do to vehicles that try to outrun them! They get brutalised!" Peridot protested. "We have to pull over!"

With an annoyed sigh, Lapis realised that Peridot was probably right, even if she had landed them in this mess. If they didn't try to resolve it peacefully, then they risked setting off the Sonobomb. Heck, maybe the "Police" or whatever they were called would help them get there faster than Greg's old van.

Lapis glanced into the rear-view mirror to get a look at the car, steering the van towards the road. She was about to roll down her window and gesture to the occupant that she was complying, when she saw inside it.

The figure inside was big. Large. Far bigger than a human in the car had any right to be. Hunched up over the steering wheel, they too seemed to be having a lot of trouble driving. A chill ran up Lapis' back, tingling around her Gem.

"No. Couldn't be." Lapis dismissed the notion. Peridot caught her worried expression, looking back over at her.

"What?" she asked. Lapis gulped and focused on the road ahead of them. Her foot came down on the gas that little bit harder, causing the van to increase its pace once more.

"It's nothing, it's nothing." Lapis answered.

"Nothing?" Peridot repeated. "Then why aren't we slowing down?"

"I... I am." Lapis mumbled. She took her foot from the gas again, slowly applying the break. "This is me, slowing down."

"Ooookay." Peridot shook her head.

Lapis' gaze drifted back up towards the mirror, the cop-car and its beefy occupant reflected in it. The sirens on the police car still flashed, siren wailing as the occupant rolled down a window and pushed one hand outside, pointing emphatically at the roadside. In the dark and further shielded from view by the sirens and headlights, Lapis could just about pick out the heavy muscles in the arm of the other driver.

And the long, white hair that had spilled out behind it when they'd pushed out that arm.

"Jasper." Lapis hissed. Peridot nearly leapt from her seat.

"Jasper?! Wait, what?!" she yelped, spinning in her chair. Peridot pressed her nose to the window, trying to see, but reeled back. "Gah! The lights, I can't see! Lazuli, are you sure it was... er, Lapis?"

Lapis had frozen at the wheel, staring straight ahead. Gently, Peridot reached over with one arm and poked her. "Lapis? Lazuli? Are you okay?"

"I can't go back to jail, Peridot."

Silence filled the cab for a moment. Peridot blinked. "Come again?"

This time, Lapis reeled back towards her, eyes wide and frantic. "I said I can't go back to jail, Peridot!" she barked. Raising one knee, she slammed a foot down on the accelerator and the van began to tear forwards again. Peridot yelped, pushed back in her seat by the force.

"Lapis! Calm down!"

" _You_ calm down! Homeworld, aboard your ship, Malachite- _Malachite_ was a prison! I'm not gonna fuse with her again!" Lapis growled. "And I'm not going to let her take me back to Homeworld either! They're just as bad! Mirrors, cells! Urgh!"

"Lazuli, think! The Sonobomb!"

A slightly deranged grin alighted on Lapis' face as Lapis had an idea. "You're right! We can use it to scare her off!" she laughed giddily.

"No, I meant that _you'll kill us all if you_ _ **don't slow down!**_ " Peridot urged. Lapis ignored her.

"Good idea! Peridot, get into the back and open the doors! Show her the Sonobomb and send her packing all the way back to Homeworld!" Lapis ordered.

Peridot took one look back at the Sonobomb, which was bouncing up and down on the mattresses. Mercifully, it had still to activate, though that was now only a matter of time. But it was still big and heavy enough to pound Peridot and her Gem into fine powder. Peridot shook her head in the negative.

"Is this the sort of thing going through your head when you decided to fuse with her?!" Peridot snapped, circling the side of her head with a finger. "This is crazy!"

"And are _you_ going to tell Jasper to stop following us?! Are _you_ gonna stop her from taking that thing and using it on Steven and the others?!" Lapis retorted. "Open the van, show her it, then threaten to turn it on! We're not going to _use_ it!"

"But the van-!"

"To the _pit_ with the van! Jasper is a bigger threat to us than the Sonobomb is! I bet the stupid old thing doesn't even work right!" the blue Gem at the wheel growled. "Do it!"

Peridot leant back against her seat, drawing her eyes heavenward. "Why is it always me?!" she complained. Taking a cautious glance at the road ahead of them, finding it empty and level, Peridot unclipped her seatbelt and clambered into the back of Greg's van.

She edged her way along the back. Every little bump in the road made the van jostle slightly, sending the Sonobomb rocking back and forth in its seat of mattresses. Peridot grit her teeth and edged towards the back door and-

Oh. Wait. She had ferrokinesis. She forgot about that. Raising a hand, Peridot took a grip against the metal wall of the van, then raised her other hand towards the back door. With a click, the doors unlocked and swung open. Light flooded the van, blinding Peridot.

"Gah!" she screeched. Scrunching her eyes up, Peridot waved with her free hand. "Jasper! Quit following us or I'll set this off!"

The horn of the police car sounded repeatedly. Peridot could just about make out the driver slamming their fist on the horn, over and over again.

"Jasper, I'm not kidding! Me and Lapis can get away, but you can't!" Peridot emphasised, covering her eyes. "So quit it or, so help me, I'll-"

The headlights of the cop car suddenly shut off. Peridot's eyes swam, blinking stars out of her vision once more as she took in the driver of the cop car for the first time.

"Oh." she mumbled sheepishly. Holding up a hand to tell them to wait, Peridot yanked the doors closed with her metal manipulation powers. "Uh, Lapis, you can calm down."

"What, why?!" Lapis called back, still trying to break the land-speed record.

"It's... not Jasper." Peridot said, making her way back to the front of the van. "Erm, look, just pull over."

* * *

Amethyst rubbed the back of her head, displacing the huge mass of hair that hung down behind her. "Okay, okay, I get it. Shouldn't have charged at you with the full-beams, sorry." she apologised. "And the sirens? Way too much."

Lapis and Peridot glared at Amethyst. "You could have panicked us into activating that thing!" Peridot snapped. "Have you lost your mind?!"

"Dude, chill. I have faith in you." Amethyst snorted. "The two of you were gone so long, I got sent to check up on you guys."

"Why did you have to shapeshift to drive up here?!" Lapis asked, equally annoyed. Amethyst looked in her direction and grinned. Her body glowed with lavender light and she took the form of the muscular police officer she'd used to spirit away the police car. Neither of the other Gems were impressed by this.

"I'm a wanted Gem, guys. They know me, they _fear_ me!" Amethyst crowed, leaning on the roof of the stolen police car. "Look, I'll level with you. When I got sent out here by Garnet and Pearl, I think they were expecting me to shift into a helicopter again. I'd appreciate it if you keep this between us Fun Gems, if you know what I mean."

"You can shapeshift into one of those helicopter things?!" Lapis asked, incredulous. "Why did you need the car?! Why are _we_ using the van?!"

"In bursts." Amethyst explained carefully, shifting back to normal. "But yeah, I wouldn't have caught you up without having to catch my... er, shapeshifting breath. And a bird was too slow, so I took a third option!"

"Well, at least it wasn't Jasper." Peridot huffed. The Quartz opposite them could barely contain herself.

"Woah, wait, you thought I was _Jasper?_!" Amethyst laughed. Peridot and Lapis blushed in embarrassment. She glowed again, taking the form of the imposing behemoth Gem. "Hah, neat! I suit this _way_ better than she does! I've gotta find an occasion to use this somewhere!" Amethyst mused, shifting back.

Still annoyed, neither of the others scrambled for an explanation, but they gave her it anyway. "The light was in our eyes! We could only see a big person with lots of hair!" Lapis scowled, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Whatever, just... go back and tell the others that we're fine."

Amethyst grinned, mischief managed for that night. "Sure thing. I'll call it in." she smirked. She reached inside the police car, extracting a walkie-talkie, tossing it at Peridot. Peridot fumbled to catch it.

"A... primitive short-wave radio communicator?" Peridot blinked.

"Yeah, to keep in touch. Like the movies." Amethyst explained. "Not until it's gone though. I just need to know when the cliff will be an all-clear zone." she added, nodding at Greg's van.

"Why?" asked Lapis carefully. Amethyst patted the roof of the car she'd stolen.

"Let's just say that your Sonobomb might have some company at the bottom of the ocean." she said simply.


End file.
